Your Values Drive Your Decisions
Science of Success
YOUR VALUES DRIVE YOUR DECISIONS
ABSTRACT to CONCRETE
Most of my clients know intuitively they have a set of core values, but the sneaky aspect of our values is that they tend to be mostly internal models of what we hold important to ourselves; our minds store these concepts in a hierarchical structure from the Abstract down to the Concrete. Concepts like:
- Kindness, etc. . .
are typically at the top with the most priority and then scale down to the more Concrete values like:
- Friends, etc. . .
However, the problem with this is that we as humans are reliably bad at connecting to the abstract (although, they are our primary drivers) whereas we have an affinity to be able to easily explain the concrete values. Sometimes, in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) we refer to Abstract concepts which seem like Concrete nouns as “Nominalizations.”
You can typically spot a Nominalization by asking yourself, “Could I put this Value in a wheelbarrow and push it around? If the answer is no, then you are dealing with an Abstract, nominalization which needs to have Concrete meaning assigned to it before it can become useful.
Now, we will explore a helpful, 4 step model to help identify and explore the values which drive us subconsciously in our everyday lives.
VALUE ELICITATION MODEL
Step 1: Identify What Matters Most to You
Draw two columns on a piece of paper, on the left hand side, we are going to write out the Values which you gravitate toward. At the top of the page, I typically will write, “Moving Toward” on the left hand side, and on the right hand side, I will write “Moving Away.” Then, begin now by asking yourself, “What is most important in the world to me?” “What matters more than anything to me?”
Quite often, my clients will be very uncomfortable by which Values instinctively pop up as the most important to them; remember, most of the items on this list are abstract concepts, they can mean all sorts of things to you. Many characteristics and traits can be attached to any particular word or idea.
*Once you have written a fairly long list and begin to struggle identifying what’s left which matters most to you, begin writing out which emotions you want to feel most often.
Step 2: Rank Values from Most Important to Less Important
Just allow yourself to be honest and rank them without any judgement of yourself. It doesn’t matter if your family is 1st or 10th, this is an unconscious process and quite often this can mean that you need to accomplish or have other priorities taken care of TO ENSURE that your family is taken care of securely.
*Note: Begin by asking yourself, “If I woke up tomorrow and could ONLY have 1 of the values on the list, which would it be, and continue for each value you have added to the list until you get to a place you can no longer do this or you complete the list.
Step 3: Utilize The Values
Next, ask yourself How the number one ranking Value helps you feel the emotions which matter most to you. Ask yourself why this matters, and write it down or record yourself going through this exercise as our memories are faulty and we often delete or distort what is thought or said in hindsight during exercises like this.
Finally, inquire as to what activities, behaviors, and relationships help you connect most with each Value in order of their importance.
Step 4: Discover the Meaning
This last step is the most important. Dig deep inside and ask yourself what it means to you when you experience these Values in a real and meaningful way everyday. Focus on being specific in this step by painting a very vivid picture of
- what you see yourself doing,
- how it sounds when you connect with your Values, and
- how it makes you feel
as you uncover the meaning that each one of these Values has for you specifically. Write it down or record yourself doing this exercise.
Moving Away From “Values”
At this point, many people want to know what to do with the column on the right hand side labeled, “Moving Away.” Simply put, by defining the traits and characteristics that you avoid and dislike in others and yourself when those traits inevitably surface, you can train your subconscious to behave according to the Values you wrote initially which you move toward and which drive you like a compass instead of the traits from which you want to move away.
Remind yourself that when you don’t behave according to your Moving Toward Values, that means you are exhibiting the Traits from which you would like to Move Away. This will help your mind unconsciously strive to connect to the Values you want to move toward and avoid the Values you don’t admire or even despise. Record the results.
If you have any trouble with this exercise, try watching the tutorial video below by British NLPer Abby Eagle who has many great videos despite his goofy profile pic or reach out to me today and let’s schedule a FREE consult to see if it makes more sense to have a session together to uncover your core Values.
JAMES PESCH WELCOMES YOU BACK!
KEYNOTE SPEAKER | BUSINESS COACH | CORPORATE TRAINER | SALES TRAINER | HUMAN PERSUASION EXPERT | LINGUIST | NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMER (NLP) EXPERT | HUMAN BEHAVIOR EXPERT | TUTOR | LIFE COACH | DECEPTION DETECTION TRAINER | HR & PERSONNEL COMMUNICATION ANALYST | TULSA BUSINESS CONSULTANT | TULSA BUSINESS MASTERY EXPERT | TULSA’S MOST ENTERTAINING SPEAKER | EDUCATIONAL INSTRUCTOR | TULSA BUSINESS COACH | EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT | BODY LANGUAGE, POSTURE, & MICROEXPRESSION COACH
James is a Human Behavioral Specialist living in Tulsa, who is skilled in Linguistics, NLP, Mentalism, & Counseling, creating content so YOU WILL “Be your own HERO.” -James Pesch
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