There is No Failure, Only Feedback
SCIENCE OF SUCCESS
THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK
UNLEARNED BEHAVIORS VS LEARNED BEHAVIORS
I love connecting others to their inner champion and the best version of themselves. By helping quite a few people over the past 8 years, first as a Trainer, and now as a Tulsa based Business & Life Coach, I have practiced NLP, Hypnosis, and Counseling related services working with:
- rape victims,
- substance abusers,
- PTSD sufferers,
- scholastic and tutoring,
- corporate sales teams,
- online webinars,
- CEO’s & Executives,
- Podcasts, etc.
I have discovered through research, working one on one, and in groups, some of things we do are learned and some occur due to our makeup and environmental design without any learning needed.
When we begin to eat, most of the processes or behaviors needed to digest food occur without the need to have learned how to digest food at all, but many many behaviors are learned and can be quickly and easily altered due to learning new facts or can be optimized due to habit (CBT) and/or repeated successes.
HOW LEARNING OCCURS
If you see someone eating a lemon, your mouth begins to salivate and your lips may even purse a bit. You didn’t have to learn how to do this or what to do or why to do it, however, when someone asks you if someone approaching is dangerous, you access both your learned experiences and unconscious processing to come to a quick decision.
For survival and to make our lives easier, we humans speed up decision making by creating unconscious beliefs to make decisions for us without us having to think similar situations through each time we have experiences which correlate to past experiences. That means we begin to create what are referred to as
- Meta Models: A metamodel or surrogate model is a model of reality or another model. In other words, it is the map of our territory, NOT the literal or actual territory.
- Presupposition: a thing tacitly assumed beforehand at the beginning of a line of argument or course of action. This can be a pre-decided assumption or an unlearned assumption provided by a care-taker or social/culturally accepted assumption.
- Generalization: a general statement or concept obtained by inference from specific cases in one’s past. Inference is the method of logic humans use to make most decisions, but is not as reliable as deductive reasoning.
- Assumption: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. Separate from a generalization, an assumption is typically based upon a logical fallacy or unverifiable anecdotal reason.
- Stereotype: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing. Again, a map of the territory, but NOT reality as it actually is.
- Deletions & Distortions: Methods of removing or altering information in order to process and prioritize data that seems more relevant to the observer.
These tools of survival are black and white ways of distinguishing behaviors, in order to optimize decision making and simplify our lives, but this is also a trap to live one’s life driven by emotional meta-models rather than cognitively thinking about our surroundings and deciding and choosing how to view the world around us.
Why am I teaching you about Learned Behaviors and Unlearned Behaviors?
There are past experiences you have generalized as Failures, and this has programmed you to avoid pursuing any endeavor which feels at all similar to that past but the truth is, There is No Failure, Only Feedback.
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
– Denis Waitley
By beginning with this Meta-Model Presuppostion:
There is No Failure, Only Feedback.
We give ourselves and others around us the opportunity to give it our best shot, to learn from mistakes, to adapt to environmental changes, improve skills, develop emotional intelligence, and maintain vital self confidence even when we “fail.”
Why would that matter?
As you consider exactly when you are the best version of yourself, you might notice that you are in a Growth Mindset instead of a Helpless, Fixed Mindset that plagues our culture.
In a demonstration to a group of high school students (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6TONVkJ3eI), a researcher and developmental psychologist at Penn State, Charisse Nixon, Ph.D., showed how easily learned helplessness can take effect. She handed out a list of three anagrams to each student. The students were asked to use all the letters in the anagram to spell a single word using all the letters. She asked the students to raise their hands once they had completed the first word before moving on to the second. Half of the students raised their hands almost immediately and the other half continued to struggle with the puzzle, looking around self-consciously at their classmates who had so easily completed the task with such ease. The researcher asked them to go on to the second word and to again raise their hands when they had finished. The same students who were stumped the first time were still stumped on the second word, while the other half of the students sat patiently with raised hands. Nixon asked the class to go ahead and move onto the third word, and after a few moments, half the class raised their hands while the other half of the class sat rather deflated.
Nixon then explained to the class that half the class received the words BAT, LEMON, and CINERAMA. The first group easily scrambled BAT into TAB and LEMON into MELON, and finally CINERAMA into AMERICAN. The second half of the class received the words WHIRL, SLAPSTICK, and the third word was the same as in the first group: CINERAMA. The second group’s first two words were intentionally unsolvable, but why couldn’t they solve the last anagram as easily as the first group did? Because they had experienced learned helplessness.
After failing the first two attempts, they assumed the third word was going to be just as difficult, so they made no effort to solve it. Students in this group reported feeling stupid and frustrated with themselves when they couldn’t do it.
The Danger of Defining Ourselves by Groups
When I meet with clients, I often hear very similar statements,
“I am a perfectionist.”
“I am hard on myself.”
“I am. . ._________________________(Insert Negative Self Talk)”
Says who?! These statements come from an internal dialogue driving these narratives, but is there REALLY sufficient evidence for you to put yourself into a Fixed box in order to make your life make sense? Is this Learned behavioral mindset benefiting you or causing a Learned Helplessness?
Maybe your Growth is limited by the way you are telling your story to yourself, and this is most likely thanks to the way someone else told you your story or due to the meta model you have adopted. Maybe it was a personality test, a critical parent or caretaker, a past romantic partner, no matter where that Fixed story came from, it may not actually benefit you at all.
Maybe the past negative experiences you have gone through are Feedback and not Failures. Maybe there are ways of Reframing the Past to see it through the eyes of someone seeking successful future models. Focus now on a past experience that seemed negative and look for skills, traits, knowledge, or information which could help you achieve a more positive outcome.
How would you feel about yourself if things went THAT more positive way from now on rather than reliving a past trauma or failure and only walking away with poor self esteem and negative self talk?
What if the past didn’t define you as a failure but merely provided feedback in order for you to be a better, wiser, more powerful and educated version of yourself. How would you feel if you discovered that you were not a failure, but rather Your Own Hero?
JAMES PESCH WELCOMES YOU BACK!
KEYNOTE SPEAKER | BUSINESS COACH | CORPORATE TRAINER | SALES TRAINER | HUMAN PERSUASION EXPERT | LINGUIST | NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMER (NLP) EXPERT | HUMAN BEHAVIOR EXPERT | TUTOR | LIFE COACH | DECEPTION DETECTION TRAINER | HR & PERSONNEL COMMUNICATION ANALYST | TULSA BUSINESS CONSULTANT | TULSA BUSINESS MASTERY EXPERT | TULSA’S MOST ENTERTAINING SPEAKER | EDUCATIONAL INSTRUCTOR | TULSA BUSINESS COACH | EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT | BODY LANGUAGE, POSTURE, & MICROEXPRESSION COACH
James is a Human Behavioral Specialist living in Tulsa, who is skilled in Linguistics, NLP, Mentalism, & Counseling, creating content so YOU WILL “Be your own HERO.” -James Pesch
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