The Language of Others
Science of Success
THE LANGUAGE OF OTHERS
Listening to Them, Seeing Their View, Feeling Their Emotions
Nobody is really ever listening, seeing your view, or feeling what you feel, unless they happen to care immensely.
How do we know this?
The act of listening seems simple enough: the ears register the sounds produced by a speaker and the brain then interprets those sounds, assuming the volume is adequate enough to reach the ears and given that the listener knows the meaning of the words.
However, what’s actually going on makes the situation far more complicated. Communication relies on three distinct and powerful pillars which contain a massive amount of data which has been coded into language to convey a complete thought:
Auditory Language Tools
Visuals & Body Language
- Hand Gestures
- Crossed Legs
- Folded Arms
- Tactile Sensations
LEARNING TO LISTEN, WATCH, & FEEL
You already are great at nonverbal communication. For example, you walk into a crowded restaurant thousands of miles from anyone you know, but there in the corner of the restaurant, you spot a familiar face and automatically the muscles just above your eyelids (orbicularis oculi) constrict, and this reveals to the face across the room that you recognize them by lifting the eyebrows suddenly and precisely, and the person in the corner instantly knows you know one another and begins to search their memory to identify who you are and how the two of you are connected.
Sometimes, they recall who you are easily because you might have a very close relationship, but sometimes, we can’t quite place how or why someone is familiar, but the eyes already indicated familiarity, and our brains are designed to try to make this fit.
This micro-expression and thousands of similar automatic reactions and indicators are sending all the messages that someone needs when they are trying to unconsciously keep themselves safe by determining whether or not another human is
- safe, or
So, wouldn’t it be nice to know how to send and receive the messages correctly and effectively?
KNOWING THE MESSAGE
People, in general, are not very intentional about their messages or prioritizing the traits they intend to convey to others. The problem is people don’t know or don’t care how to Preframe who they are, or what message they want to send to others, and since humans only retain 8% of an interaction, most of what is said is summarized into a short, simple, concise, narrative that we refer to as “the GIST” of the conversation.
Listeners, therefore, typically don’t retain some of the most important information conveyed in a conversation.
As you sit there now reading this article, ask yourself which traits and characteristics are most essential for you to be successful, or well liked, and as you consider what will empower you most, ask yourself
“Is it Honesty, Charisma, Intelligence, Organization, Creativity, Humor, Punctuality. Stability, Safety, Kindness, Empathy, Wisdom, Integrity, etc.?”
No matter which traits are suited best for the perfect version of yourself, communicating effectively begins by getting out of your own head and being proactive rather than reactive; visualize & create the perfect traits you want your audience to take away from EVERY conversation, meeting, or interaction and commit to that role and the message that you need to send to your audience most will begin to pour out of you and your body language will begin to align with the universal body language that every person needs to see to comprehend the overall message.
ENOUGH ABOUT YOU, WHAT ABOUT THEM?
Ok, now you know a bit about how to communicate more effectively, but this article isn’t about that, this is about how to Listen to Others.
First, focus on determining whether the person you are speaking to uses Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, or Auditory-Digital (Internal Dialogue) Linguistic Phrasing. Tune your ears to listen for sighs, tones, pitch changes etc by learning the following information in order to truly listen to others.
- Speaker will primarily look up / up and to the side as they process information (answers to your questions). As if looking into the sky for an answer.
- These people are known as “the fast talkers” because visual memories are a lot quicker to process and put into words.
Visual Linguistic Words – Speaker will use these types of words
- Map it out
- Diagram it
- Speaker will primarily move their eyes left to right / right to left (from ear to ear) as “they need to hear” what they are saying.
- These people are moderate speed talkers.
Auditory Linguistic Words – Speaker will use these types of words
- Speaker will primarily look down and to the right as “they need to feel” what they are saying.
- Typically these people will be slow talkers because to feel their response before speaking, this takes longer to come out.
- Kinesthetic People typically dress flashy or wear bright colors
Kinesthetic Linguistic Words – Speaker will use these types of words
- Reach out
Auditory Digital (Internal Dialogue) – Speaker will use these types of words
Remember that by focusing on having fun with this model, you will begin enjoying the most effective communication imaginable. Once you are connecting and communicating effectively with others, doors will open to opportunities and you will learn and grow from the experience.
Everyone has a story to tell and once you are listening and communicating effectively people will appreciate you and begin to feel as though they know you, like you, and trust you.
Has this helped you in any way? Please share your story with me!
JAMES PESCH WELCOMES YOU BACK!
KEYNOTE SPEAKER | BUSINESS COACH | CORPORATE TRAINER | SALES TRAINER | HUMAN PERSUASION EXPERT | LINGUIST | NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMER (NLP) EXPERT | HUMAN BEHAVIOR EXPERT | TUTOR | LIFE COACH | DECEPTION DETECTION TRAINER | HR & PERSONNEL COMMUNICATION ANALYST | TULSA BUSINESS CONSULTANT | TULSA BUSINESS MASTERY EXPERT | TULSA’S MOST ENTERTAINING SPEAKER | EDUCATIONAL INSTRUCTOR | TULSA BUSINESS COACH | EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT | BODY LANGUAGE, POSTURE, & MICROEXPRESSION COACH
James is a Human Behavioral Specialist living in Tulsa, who is skilled in Linguistics, NLP, Mentalism, & Counseling, creating content so YOU WILL “Be your own HERO.” -James Pesch
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