Stop Asking “Why.”
SCIENCE OF SUCCESS
STOP ASKING “WHY.”
THE WRONG QUESTION
I have clients all the time who want to know the answer to one simple question,
- do I keep doing this?
- do I act this way?
- can’t I do. . .
- am I always. . .
Let me tell you a story:
My son is 10 this year, but 2 years ago his art teacher called me and said,
“Mr. Pesch, your son was misbehaving in class, and I asked him WHY he would do that?” and he said,
“I don’t know.”
“ok?” in a (continue. . . sort of way)
“Then a few minutes later he did it again, so I asked him WHY he did that,” and he said, “I don’t know.” I said
“Ok?” and I waited through several seconds of silence before I asked,
“so, what happened?” and she half-shouted,
“I had to send him to the office.” I said,
“ok, that is a fine way to handle that situation, however, can I ask you a question?” To which she replied, “yes, of course.” I said,
“WHY did you ask him that?” **crickets** Finally, after several seconds, she exclaimed, “Well, Mr. Pesch he can not act like that.” I followed with, ” Of course, he can’t act like that, but WHY did you ask him WHY he did it?”
I could tell I was not getting my point across so I just interrupted with the point of the line of questioning. “Did you actually want to know why an 8 year old was misbehaving or did you want him to change his behavior and act according to the rules of the classroom?”
We went round and round for several minutes. Eventually, I had to escalate to the Principal and he and I came to an understanding on my resolve to improve the efficacy of the system.
CHANGE THE QUESTION
What outcome would you like?
My clients, much like my son’s teacher, lose focus on the big picture and in doing so end up sabotaging themselves from achieving the outcomes they actually want.
Do you really care WHY you are behaving a certain way, or do you really just want a different outcome? I think most people agree, they would like a more positive mindset, better outcomes, and confidence to attempt to do the activities they are currently avoiding.
So, instead of asking yourself why you are the way you are, ask yourself what type of life you want to live.
What would be the best version of yourself?
How do you know this makes you feel right?
What would that enable you to do?
JAMES PESCH WELCOMES YOU BACK!
KEYNOTE SPEAKER | BUSINESS COACH | CORPORATE TRAINER | SALES TRAINER | HUMAN PERSUASION EXPERT | LINGUIST | NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMER (NLP) EXPERT | HUMAN BEHAVIOR EXPERT | TUTOR | LIFE COACH | DECEPTION DETECTION TRAINER | HR & PERSONNEL COMMUNICATION ANALYST | TULSA BUSINESS CONSULTANT | TULSA BUSINESS MASTERY EXPERT | TULSA’S MOST ENTERTAINING SPEAKER | EDUCATIONAL INSTRUCTOR | TULSA BUSINESS COACH | EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT | BODY LANGUAGE, POSTURE, & MICROEXPRESSION COACH
James is a Human Behavioral Specialist living in Tulsa, who is skilled in Linguistics, NLP, Mentalism, & Counseling, creating content so YOU WILL “Be your own HERO.” -James Pesch
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