How to Let Go of a TOXIC Person
SCIENCE OF SUCCESS
REFRAMING: A BOLD NEW WAY OF SEEING YOUR SITUATION
Last night, as has been the case quite a lot recently, I received a Private Message from a member of my audience who had a request.
Due to the nature, I have chosen to keep this person anonymous, however, I did create a strategy and it will enable you to
LET GO OF a TOXIC PERSON or SITUATION.
If you are a solution seeker, this is your place to come for MIND SHIFT STRATEGIES™ which are EASY + FAST to help you
“BE YOUR OWN HERO.”
1. Identify a troubling behavior or response, something you would rather not do or feel.
Example: HOLDING ONTO A TOXIC PERSON or SITUATION
2. The part of you that is HOLDING ON is actively participating in your mental state; so, ask yourself this question:
“Is the part of me HOLDING ONTO THIS PERSON/SITUATION willing to deal with this intentionally TODAY, RIGHT now?
This might cause or elicit a sensation somewhere in your body; this could be a picture, voice or sound. Maybe a feeling. When you get a signal, first thank the part for responding. (I know, it sounds silly, just trust me.)
Try something like:
“Oh good, thank you,”
IF you have fought against particular behaviors, THAT ACT, can make one feel alienated, even from oneself so it’s useful to be polite. 😉
Find the positive intention of your brain, the SURVIVAL MECHANISM BEHIND IT.
Ask yourself, “in what way is HOLDING ONTO THIS PERSON or SITUATION a positive thing?”
*Something about this behavior is comforting, safe, convenient, etc. YOU MUST ACCEPT that it is ok for a behavior you do not like to have some good or positive aspect. Assuming that this aspect of your “self” has a positive intention can create a sense of peace and therefore makes this part of your mind more willing to cooperate.
3. This next part is the fun part, I NEED YOUR BRAIN & SOLUTIONS FOR THIS NEXT PART, we need 3
different, alternative, and distinct ways you could act that would provide that positive thing for you that HOLDING ON has been doing for you.
Don’t worry, this part is the most important so WE WILL WAIT or at least make sure that we do this right.
Begin here: Ask yourself,
“What will it
- FEEL like, what will it
- LOOK like, and how will it
- SOUND when you do
that NEW activity which brings that positivity? The positive thing that HOLDING ON was bringing?”
and now repat that same question for the second NEW and EXCITING method, and then again with even more confidence, for the third.
4. ALRIGHT, let’s evaluate these new choices. Are they acceptable? Will they be as good as or better than HOLDING ON was? Ask that part of you that was HOLDING ONTO that person if it would be willing to try these 3 out for the next month or longer if appropriate.
NOTE: If you have ever agreed to something because you were bullied into it, you’ll know how important willing and even joyful commitment is when finding a solution to a problem.
If the alternatives are not acceptable, go back to step 3 for your better alternatives.
5. Great! Let’s finish up. Check INSIDE for just a moment for any objections. Just for a second check with any other parts of your own mind for just a second. When we change behaviors, we can affect other people and aspects of ourselves. Even changes we think are fabulous have unintended consequences. We get our new car, but our camping gear doesn’t fit in the trunk. You get the idea.
IF there are objections, put them through the same process from step 2 – what is the positive intention for my mind to HOLD ONTO this person or situation etc?
IF THERE ARE NO OBJECTIONS, then you are FREE of this desire to HOLD ONTO that thing that you were HOLDING ONTO and now THE BEST PART
you can now HOLD ONTO those NEW THINGS.
The main purpose of a Reframe is to establish — “set up” —bridges or (channels of communication) between YOUR unconscious and YOUR conscious mind, even between parts of the person’s unconscious and to install in the person a belief that all parts are allies — potential teachers and friends. Even the things about ourselves that we do not like can be our allies and teach us so much about how to better our circumstances.
THANK YOU for taking the time to read this article; please take the time to browse my blog where this MIND SHIFT STRATEGY was originated and subscribe to my YouTube channel.
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JAMES PESCH WELCOMES YOU BACK!
KEYNOTE SPEAKER | BUSINESS COACH | CORPORATE TRAINER | SALES TRAINER | HUMAN PERSUASION EXPERT | LINGUIST | NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMER (NLP) EXPERT | HUMAN BEHAVIOR EXPERT | TUTOR | LIFE COACH | DECEPTION TRAINER | HR & PERSONNEL COMMUNICATION ANALYST
James is a Human Behavioral Specialist skilled in Linguistics, NLP, Mentalism, & Psychology creating content so YOU WILL “Be your own HERO.” -James Pesch
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Video and transcription Post coming separately & soon, stay tuned!