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3 Ways to Gain Trust Instantly life coach james pesch nlp

3 Ways to Gain Trust Instantly

3 Ways to Gain Trust Instantly

DISCLAIMER: **These techniques and methods are extremely POWERFUL and INFLUENTIAL, EVEN AS A TULSA Business & Life Coach, Communication TRAINER, & NLP Coach, I always discuss ethics & stress the importance of assessing and taking priority in ensuring that the emotional and mental state of the person you are influencing is healthy. However, if you choose to use these methods solely for personal gain, people will begin to distance themselves from you; don’t be an idiot, instead, use this power to help others and empower your own life simultaneously.


Imagine walking into all future meetings, romantic appointments, or emergencies equipped with a secret that would make you the most

  • Influential,
  • Confident, &
  • Persuasive

person in the room.

As you begin to see yourself walking into situations with incredible power and control, you may notice how this unique gift will endow you with inexplicable favor and success; which area of improvement in your life is the most significant?

Which situation matters most? Which one will change most once you learn and implement these 3 Tricks in ALL future social interactions? Now, you can excitedly and with great focus, as you realize and notice the exact scenario you will apply this to for massive growth and optimization, continue.

**There’s a video of this technique at the bottom if you’d rather learn that way!

3 Ways to Gain Trust Instantly

1: Mirroring & Matching

The most powerful and misunderstood skill that I have found in communication has to be this technique:

Effectively evaluating and maintaining mutually agreed upon Body Language or as I refer to it and as is also known, Mirroring. *You can read an article on just this technique by clicking on “Mirroring.”

Have you ever been confused by someone else’s body language? Has anyone ever said anything, but you could tell that they meant the opposite or something else entirely? Have you ever known someone was being deceptive or did you get a gut feeling about someone’s body language?

Good! This means you have some of the basic Emotional Intelligence that is necessary (but not sufficient) to begin practicing this new skill set. Note: the mindset is more important than comprehensive knowledge of WHY this works.

Examine your audience closely, (this works best when you begin working with a single, captive voluntary audience. As you focus now on sitting across from another human, imagine trying to comprehend not what the other person is thinking but what they are feeling. When we teach mirroring techniques, we teach our practitioners to try to feel what others feel by mirroring their body language markers, hand gestures, and linguistic style (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and/or Auditory Digital.)

  • Posture – If they are leaned back and appear relaxed, so do you; likewise, if seated forward and more engaged in anticipation, mirror this posture
  • Eye Contact – Some people love it, some hate it, mirror whatever they prefer
  • Limbs – If they are crossing their arms, have hands in pockets, legs crossed, or fidgeting, mirror a similar mannerism as casually and naturally as possible.
  • Words – I can not stress this enough; use their words, EXACTLY. If they say they need to relieve “Anxiety,” then you use that word. If they state that they are looking for an affordable solution, then you find and deliver the most “AFFORDABLE,” solution you have, etc.

Below, is the 4 Step Model I follow when Mirroring & Matching others. I used this outline to teach a FREE Emotional Intelligence Seminar at Hardesty Public Library on September 1st, 2018.

  1. Preframe Outcomes – Determine Ethical & Authentic Applications
  2. Develop Sensory Acuity/Emotional Intelligence – Learning to Read Micro-Expressions
  3. Study Your Subject – Noting Language Patterns, Body Language, Attitude, (+/-) etc. . .
  4. Mirror & Match
    1. Language – Words, Gestures, & Movements
    2. Tonality – Intensity
    3. Pitch – Higher vs Lower Waves
    4. Cadence – Speed
    5. Timbre – Quality
    6. Posture – How the Body Positions
    7. Breathing: Pace, Location, Intensity
    8. Micro-Expressions – Eyebrows, Mouth, Eyes, & Unconscious “Tales”
    9. Personal Space – Distance between as dictated by physiology
    10. Physiology – The mannerisms associated with Emotional States
    11. Emotional State – A Meta Model of Reality
    12. *Cultural Generalizations, Assumptions, & Biases

*When we Mirror & Match someone elses Cultural or Regional Generalizations, we do not ADOPT their mindset; we EMBRACE their mindset and align with it in order to fully understand the subject or audience. In no way should you violate your own morality or ethical codes in order to develop rapport as this will be a violation of your internal meta model of who you are.

2: Compliments, Gratitude, & Receptivity

This seems to be common sense, however, most people have no idea how to do this naturally and powerfully, so pay attention closely. Firstly, let me ask you a question.

How often do you personally receive compliments? Has anyone ever made you feel incredible about yourself? Did this person seem like it was difficult for them or as if they were searching for a way to connect or manipulate you, or did their compliments and admiration of you and your talent flow uninhibited from their soul?

Focus. Others have some traits, preferences, and qualities which make them incredible. You can clearly see another’s wonderful and impressive qualities. So, say it, casually, but intentionally. Make sure you are heard, but don’t overdo it. A little goes a long way. Also, don’t compliment unless you do actually admire the choice, trait, or position you are highlighting. Authenticity is key here.

  • “Wow, I love that necklace!!”
  • “I can tell you are someone who appreciates class and high quality.”
  • “That’s a great watch, do you happen to know off the top of your head where you got it?”
  • “I know nobody feels comfortable receiving a compliment, but I have to confess to you that I absolutely love your style.”
  • “You seem like someone I can trust and that is very important to me.”

Your compliments should never make someone feel uncomfortable unless it is because it is flattering, be sure to create them to be subtle because you should be able to move away from these compliments quickly and naturally.


Always thank others for their time. This is a huge compliment as time is a commodity we value. Thank others for their company; thank others for their authenticity; if you have their trust or if you have theirs, thank them for that gift and express your desire to preserve that aspect of your personal or professional relationship.

I don’t think it takes a brilliant psychologist, mentalist, or communication specialist like myself to connect the dots to the treasure map I am leading you toward for increasing Influence and gaining Trust.

THINK now and imagine How it will look when you are naturally able to see the talents, attributes, and traits that your audience finds valuable without having to try.


If you are offered a cup of coffee, first acknowledge that this could just be a gesture by asking if you will be joined in enjoying the kind offer, if you will be joined, then one should joyfully accept and be receptive to such a kind gesture.

However, if you don’t drink coffee, receiving such a kind gift and then wasting it, could break trust and cause you to be disliked; so, tread lightly with this technique and determine a natural way to handle being receptive.

If you receive a compliment. A kind and genuine Thank you, I really appreciate that compliment goes a lot further than trying to appear humble. Nobody likes to have a gift returned to them as if it is nothing, even if that gift was just a compliment.

3: Find Your Mutual Tribe

Everybody has something about them that is appealing and interesting. More importantly, everyone finds generalizations and groups that they like to identify with and labels which they love about themselves.

Find your mutual axiom. You may decide after this meeting that you are not all that interested in whatever your audience is really REALLY excited about, and that is YOUR PROBLEM, not theirs and there is no reason to decide that now at this moment. Right now, you are fascinated and want to learn more about whatever they love.

They, your target audience, has every right to be excited about their tribe just as you have every right to be excited about your unique online group, tennis club, or favorite Netflix show. Find something they are into that you can get excited about and inquire as to the difficulty to join, the amount of time it consumes, and whether or not they would recommend it to others.

Don’t assume that you are going to be accepted into their tribe and in fact, if you are not, then acting disappointed because it is now exclusive and even more impressive, is a compliment, but remember to also show grace and understanding and thank them for sharing their time concerning their tribe.


As you now begin to use these 3 fast + easy Steps to increase your own influence, pay it forward and tell others about your ability to optimize your success and future relationships.

Visualize the impact you will have on your social circle and the ways you will be able to help those around you by making them feel incredible about themselves and take special note of the ways this will change the level of influence you begin to experience in your day to day life.




James is a Human Behavioral Specialist living in Tulsa, who is skilled in Linguistics, NLP, Mentalism, & Counseling, creating content so YOU WILL “Be your own HERO.” -James Pesch

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This foundational exercise is guaranteed to help you gain clarity and understanding of your goals
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